The Top Ten Things Trudeau’s Trying To Tax!

Canada's Prime Minister Justin Trudeau speaks during Question Period in the House of Commons on Parliament Hill in Ottawa, Canada December 7, 2015. (Chris Wattie/Reuters)

 

Every day, when Crime Minister Trudeau wakes up in his taxpayer-funded bed in his taxpayer-funded mansion, you might think that the next thing he does is put on his taxpayer-funded socks.  Unfortunately he can’t even do that until he receives his daily transmission directly from the globalists at the UN who are trying to implement their Agenda 21 agenda to cram down more and more unfair taxes on hardworking everyday Canadians!

The innate hardwired Liberal tendency to tax makes Trudeau the perfect useful idiot for implementing the nefarious international plot to sell Canada out to the highest bidder. We already know about the Treasonous Trudeau plans to tax fossil fuels to hamper our tar sands, tax Netflix to hamper the production of “Kim’s Convenience,” to tax meat so that more people realize that Canadian bacon is really just ham… it goes on and on.

Since Trudeau has bought off all the journalists we can’t find out what he’s planning to tax next!  For all we know, he and Gerald Butts are sitting in a room spinning a great big Wheel of Fortune wheel and whatever it lands on gets taxed.  “I’d like to buy a tax on vowels, Pat!”  Except no Wheel of Fortune contestant would ever buy a tax on vowels.  That’d just be silly.

In October, Canadians need to say NO to Trudeau’s biased and ideologically divisive tax-and-spend agenda and consign it to the dustbin of history!  At least until the next election, that is.  If we don’t, you can be sure that Trudeau will tax these ten things at the first opportunity!

Hair Products

Just the sort of thing that Trudeau, with his admittedly fabulous hair, would like to make less affordable for Canadians so that he can buy all of them.

Podcasts

If the Liberals could take in a dollar for every bunch of Canadians who spouted off opinions into their phones, they would never run a deficit again!  Unfortunately a) Canadians are too afraid to have their opinions criticized by people, so they mostly don’t make podcasts, and b) the Liberals would just spend the money faster than we could make it.  Oh, and we would have to tax foreign podcasts at a higher rate, too.  It’s in the public interest!

Pot

As we’ve seen, just having government run pot stores isn’t enough!  We must TAX the pot in order for drugs to be profitable in Canada!

Beer

So, Doug Ford thinks he’s going to get away with buck-a-beer, does he?  Well, guess what: If we can have a big stupid wasteful court challenge over the carbon tax, then what’s stopping a big stupid wasteful court challenge every time a provincial government tries to change the price of something?

News

High quality fact-checked Canadian news is the best in the world!  And since people don’t seem to want to pay for it, it stands to reason that they must be forced to pay for it!

Being A Conservative

Now, I understand why we had to do away with the head tax, but who’s to say it couldn’t be brought back for the right people?  Or perhaps, as Trudeau would say, the WRONG people.

The Moon

You look at it, don’t you?  It’s a public good, isn’t it?

Popsicles

Breaking news: The Toronto Star received 60 emails from readers calling for a boycott of the ice cream company because they won’t sell popsicles anymore.  Putting flavoured water in the freezer is TOO HARD.  Can a carbon neutral popsicle with plastic straws instead of wasteful wooden sticks be in the works, followed by calls for a popsicle tax?

Contravening the Ethics Act

Noted pundit Ed The Sock says the punishment for breaking the law is a measly $500.  I guess that’s why Liberals like Bill Morneau and Dominic LeBlanc  thought they could pay their fare and take their chances as well!  Well, since violations of the act are so common, there’s no reason for the government to leave potential tax revenue on the table, is there?  If we taxed ethics violations, there might actually be fewer of them!

Trudeau Saying The Word “Jobs”

Yes, the Trudeau Liberals are such Tax Terminators (who can’t be bargained or reasoned with) that they’ll even tax the PM!  $10 every time he says the word “jobs.”  Saying “Let me be clear” gets you $50, and “We will always stand up for….” nets you $40.  Saying “um” or “uh” every time he’s lying?  Maybe about 5 cents?  But it does add up over time.

More from Josh Lieblein.     @JustJoshinYa

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