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Back in 2016 I loudly and enthusiastically pulled for a Trump vs. Sanders showdown on the grandest stage of them all.  Two grizzled grandpa war machines, slugging it out for the Presidency.  It likely would have been more brutal, more hilarious and destroyed even more norms than the campaign we actually got.

I don't know whether "Bernie would've won".  No one ever will.  But one thing I did know is that Sanders would have done the one thing Hillary Clinton never did, and the Democrats have failed to do since 2016, and that is ditch the moral high ground and pummel the living daylights out of Donald Trump rhetorically speaking, that is.

For all the ink and tears that have been spilled over Trump, his worst critics are still handling him with kid gloves.  None of the fact-checkers, none of the late-night comedians, and none of the #Resisters with their edgy social media blitzes want to say any of it directly to the President's orange face.  They're scared.  They're scared of him and his crazed supporters.  So they act like they're above it all.

Hence the Trudeauesque candidacy of Beto O'Rourke.  Another youngish, telegenic, ethnically fluid blank slate with an endless repertoire of seemingly intelligent statements (that don't make a whole lot of sense upon closer examination) who listens to punk music so he'll appeal to The Millennials.  Can you imagine the photo-ops when he and Trudeau show off their totally tubular boardin' moves and then discuss how radical and sweet it is to be living personifications of nihilism?  Brooooo!!!

Are you sick of these broken-down Trudeau knockoffs like Varadkar, Renzi, and Macron yet?  Doesn't it feel like they're the result of foreigners taking their superficial understanding of Canadian politics and trying to duplicate "the Canadian model"?  But even if one of these establishment rubber stamps enjoyed the sort of institutional dynasticism of a Trudeau, Trump would still consume them like they were so many hamberders.  I loathe Trump, but if he sticks the Fake News label on Beto's astroturfed buzz, I'm going to nod my head.

This is not going to be the election cycle for appeals to our better nature or aspirational politics.  We need someone who will get down in the mud with Trump.  We need someone un-triggerable and unflinching.  That's why Uncle Joe Biden is the hero we need, and the hero we deserve, but he's not the hero we're going to get.  If it were any other time, I would understand Beto's appeal, but the point of the exercise here is not to look good it is to get rid of Trump by any means necessary, or at least accurately take the electorate's temperature and nominate someone who can channel the anger out there effectively.

We've got people out there clamouring for 15-year old kids to be doxed and destroyed, and news outlets blowing whatever little cred they have left chasing some quickly debunked rumour about Michael Cohen being directed to lie by Trump on the grounds that it might get the President impeached, and the Democrats are still worried about whether Biden's considerable baggage constitutes a liability.

This is the danger of cults of personality, and the belief that the populist monster can be pushed back under the bed.  Rose coloured memories of Obama's two terms are clouding everyone's sight.  The stubborn and ultimately fatal idea that Trump is nothing more than a blip is the only reason why the Dems are failing to do what is necessary instead of what is easy.

I am really not looking forward to a few months from now when it becomes apparent that "taking the high road" is not having the desired effect.  Or maybe it will never become apparent, and we'll get some version of "Some people are just too good for politics!" in lieu of an honest self-examination.  Which is very sad, because if nothing else, we could always count on the USA to do the right thing after they had tried everything else.  Perhaps they will, after another four years.

Photo Credit: Breitbart

Written by Josh Lieblein

The views, opinions and positions expressed by columnists and contributors are the author’s alone. They do not inherently or expressly reflect the views, opinions and/or positions of our publication.


Whether they've seen them in grade 11 history class or on actual network TV, all Canadians remember Heritage Minutes.  Their brevity and simplicity makes satire, some of which is actually pretty funny, almost inevitable.  The Historica Foundation, the non-profit behind the Minutes, have historically been good sports about these parodies.  But as the Conservative Party of Canada communications team learned this week, they have their limits.

Had the Tories not scrubbed their Heritage Minute ad entirely, Historica might have pursued legal action.  What would have come of that action is uncertain, as specific protections for satire in the Copyright Act are only seven years old.  Still, if the perfectly nice people who brought us burnt toast tell you to knock it off, it would simply be rude not to do so.  But it really is a shame when you consider the spoofs we'll never get to see. . . .

Rejected Liberal Party parody of "Superman"

(Liberal operatives GERALD BUTTS and KATIE TELFORD walk through Pearson International Airport.)

BUTTS: And he can get anyone to vote for him.  Anyone at all.  He's that charismatic.

TELFORD: Gerry Butts, will you stop it?  You'll miss your plane.

BUTTS: Charismatic, but devoted to the middle class.  Sleeves rolled up, blue jeans…

TELFORD: Honestly.  You McGill kids.

BUTTS: He'll be in this canoe.

TELFORD: What?

BUTTS: A canoe.  Wearing no shirt.

TELFORD: A prime minister wearing no shirt?  Really?

BUTTS: Listen, Katie, this guy is more positive than anything!  I swear!

TELFORD: And I'm positive you're gonna miss your flight to Ottawa.

BUTTS: That's it!  He'll bring Canada back!  He'll say "Canada is back!"

TELFORD: Come on, get in the security line.  No one's gonna vote for a PM with no shirt, Gerry!  It'll never fly!

BUTTS: Fly, no… but he's really good at jogging.

TELFORD: See what the membership says at the Westin.

(She starts to head off.)

BUTTS: Wait, wait, Katie!  I've got something for you.

(He hands her a folded piece of paper.)

BUTTS: Take it.  It's a gift.  You never know, it might be worth something someday.

(She unfolds the paper to find a sketch of JUSTIN TRUDEAU, opening his suit jacket to reveal a shirt with a stylized T on it.)

BUTTS: Is he great or what?  Bye-bye, Katie!

Rejected Conservative Party parody of "Jennie Trout"

(The LIBERAL MEMBERS of the all-party Parliamentary Women's Caucus slap their desks repeatedly.)

LIBERAL #1: Send them home!

LIBERAL #2: Get rid of them!

CAUCUS CHAIR ANITA VANDENBELD: Ladies, ladies, please!  And, so, this legislation, which I regret I cannot name because of the presence of these members of the less woke party . . .

(We see LISA RAITT and MICHELLE REMPEL seated together.)

VANDENBELD: . . . who, although they are women, could not possibly endure . . .

(The slapping resumes.)

REMPEL: Patience, Lisa.

LIBERAL #3: Get them out!

RAITT: Patience . . . !

LIBERAL #4: Get them out!

(RAITT stands up in a fury.)

RAITT: MADAM CHAIRWOMAN!

VANDENBELD: Mrs. Raitt?!

(RAITT marches up to the front of the room.)

LIBERAL MP #2: There's no place for Tories at a feminist thing!

LIBERAL MP #3: Get them out!

(The slapping resumes as RAITT approaches VANDENBELD.)

RAITT: If you do not get this committee under control, I will repeat every word of this disgusting meeting to Maclean's!

(The room falls silent. RAITT and REMPEL storm out.)

REMPEL (VO): My friend Lisa Raitt was not the only Tory to face this kind of thing in Parliament.  But she would become the first Conservative allowed to call herself a feminist in Canada.

Rejected Friends of Canadian Broadcasting parody of "Laura Secord"

(CBC president CATHERINE TAIT overhears some Netflix executives chatting on the corner of Front and John in Toronto.)

NETFLIX EXEC #1: You expand our selection in Canada, the national cultural industry will be . . . broken.

NETFLIX EXEC #2: How many shows can we produce?

NETFLIX EXEC #1: 50 nature docs, battery of Jim Gaffigan specials.  Rodriguez can't manage more than two Anne of Green Gables reboots.  Not a serious resistance, if you're equal to the enterprise.

(TAIT immediately starts running for days over hill and dale, though mud and stream, until she collapses from exhaustion.  She wakes up to find a group of NEWFOUNDLAND COMEDIANS staring at her curiously.)

TAIT (raising her hand weakly): Take me to Rodriguez.

VOICEOVER: Catherine Tait delivered her message to the Culture Minister.  The regular lineup at Yuk Yuk's forced the surrender of 50 L.A. showrunners, and the American invasion was stopped.

Rejected Rebel Media parody of "Halifax Explosion"

(A group of REAL CANADIANS stands at an unguarded stretch of the Quebec-New York border.  A BORDER GUARD desperately runs up to EZRA LEVANT.)

BORDER GUARD: There's a caravan, boys!  You've gotta get out of here!  It's full of illegals!

(EZRA immediately starts trying to hustle everyone indoors.)

EZRA: Please, everyone, get out of here! This border's gonna blow, now!

(Everyone shrugs dismissively.  EZRA runs inside and starts tweeting madly on his phone.)

EZRA: "Canadian border erased.  Visit StopIllegals.ca."

(He sends the tweet and waits.)

EZRA: Please, Canada.  RT this.

(People's Party of Canada leader MAXIME BERNIER runs in.)

BERNIER: Ezra, there's no time!

EZRA: The caravan coming toward Montreal.  I've got to warn them.

BERNIER: Come on, Ezra, come on!

EZRA: There are 600 illegals in that caravan and I've got to stop them!

(He grabs his phone pleadingly.)

EZRA: Come on, come on, send me your money!

(Finally, some donations come in.  EZRA sighs in relief, until he hears screams from outside.  We hear a loud boom and then see a photograph of the landscape, now covered in halal food trucks.)

VOICEOVER: Canada was devastated.  A few Canadians dead, probably, and others banned from criticizing immigration policy, including Ezra Levant, Rebel Commander, unless you donate now to StopIllegals.ca.

Photo Credit: Huffington Post

Written by Jess Morgan

The views, opinions and positions expressed by columnists and contributors are the author’s alone. They do not inherently or expressly reflect the views, opinions and/or positions of our publication.