There are several truths universally acknowledged that bear re-acknowledgement once a year or so. Nice Guysâ„¢ are entitled and whiny and not particularly nice. Members of every gender have been known to enjoy porn. Most of all, unless you are a photographer, a director, a portrait artist, a choreographer, or an inspirational meme creator, it is not cool to tell women to smile.
One unfortunate soul who learned this the hard way is Greg Rickford, who serves as Minister of Energy under Ontario Premier Doug Ford. During a scrum earlier this week, he bizarrely told Marieke Walsh of iPolitics to smile, twice. After he answered her actual question, she asked why he felt it was appropriate to tell her to smile, and he walked away. Walsh posted a transcript of the exchange on Twitter. Soon after, Rickford apologized to her personally, and she accepted his apology.
This is not meant to be a condemnation of Rickford in particular. Since he did apologize no doubt after being dressed down by a face-palming staffer there is no more anyone can reasonably ask of him. But if the reason that "Smile." is one of womankind's most loathed imperative sentences needs to be explained to him in 2018, he's probably not alone. So think of this more as an education. If you internalize this information now, you will be spared from having to apologize later, either on the phone to a reporter or on the sidewalk to a stranger.
The operative word here is "imperative." "Smile." is not an encouragement; it's a command. And it typically comes from people who have no authority to command it. I can remember this happening to me at least once, in downtown Toronto in the summer of 2014, while walking past a man I had never seen before on my way to get coffee. If I recall correctly, I rolled my eyes at him and kept walking. This has happened many times before to other women, by men who seem to think they will get a smile in return, and who knows what else.
That is not how joy works. If you want to turn a frown upside down, you need to make it turn upside down. Next time, try being the first to smile and saying "Good morning/afternoon." That's harmless. Or you can crack a joke. If you're not very good at jokes, you might get a strange look, but you won't make anyone's mood worse. By behaving as if you deserve someone else's smile, especially someone you've never met, there's a pretty good chance they'll be considerably less inclined to smile than they were three seconds before. She may just duck her head and walk away, or she may tell you to do something unspeakable with your hat, but there's little chance of you getting a genuine smile.
Of course, you're creating more trouble for yourself if you tell a woman to smile in a workplace setting, especially if you're in a public-facing position. Rickford's case is unique in this respect: Amid heightened scrutiny of politicians' conduct around women, telling a journalist to smile was just plain dunderheaded. But the implication is the same for the average 9-to-5er. Imagine telling a female co-worker to wear shorter skirts so her legs will look better. Only a relic of the Mad Men era would do that, right? But from the woman's perspective, "Smile." is essentially the same thing: You must alter your appearance in a way that is pleasing to me, the person who is not presently your romantic or sexual partner. Also: Your professional worth is less than your ornamental worth.
Perhaps that's not what Rickford or any other spreader of "Smile." was going for. Other than a free agreeable expression, which they can't simply order up as if it's a sample of deli turkey, it's hard to tell what they think they're doing. But they should know early how they're coming off to the women on the receiving end of "Smile." And if they don't like being lectured about it in an op-ed, I assure them that it's better than being lectured about it out loud.
Photo Credit: North Bay Nugget
Written by Jess Morgan
