We Progressive Legacy Media Columnists and members of the #NeverFord #Resistance are extremely tolerant people, as befits Canadians. We tolerate pretty much everything, except intolerance. You could say that we're intolerant of intolerance.
Still, we've always tolerated conservatives in our midst. We allow them to live and work here. Some of our best friends are conservatives, though we try not to invite them over for holiday dinners when we can avoid it. Diversity is our strength, after all, and if we didn't tolerate conservatives we wouldn't be able to go around telling people how diverse we are.
However, sometimes conservatives forget that they're only here because we tolerate them, and also so that they can make us look good politically. When they don't leave their baggage at the door and try to impose their values on us, they need to be reminded that they need to do more to "fit in," because we're busy enough trying to impose our values on them. Our resources are strained to the breaking point already, as we never expected this level of pushback.
We've got seniors in this country who've voted Liberal their whole lives, and then these conservatives get to use the same health care and roads as they do even as they talk about "small government" and "lower taxes"! It's just not right, you know? They should go to the back of the queue, or the back of the bus if they're taking public transit, if they're going to be Canadians of convenience!
But even this isn't good enough for them, as they're not staying in their rural ridings where they belong. They're actively trying to take over provincial governments, and in some provinces they've actually succeeded. If we don't do something about this soon, we're going to find ourselves replaced in the next election! Ethnic groups can be minorities, but we won't even have a minority if this keeps up!
All governments have the right to enforce their own borders, and ours need to be guarded scrupulously against the growth of any idea we deem to be "alt-right". We cannot allow those who mimic Trumpisms to continue to spew their hateful rhetoric! We need to build a wall of sorts against un-Canadian ideas, and since the conservatives control 99% of the wealth, they can pay for it!
There might be confusion about whether asylum seekers are "irregular" or "illegal", but there's nothing regular about un-Canadian ideas like Lisa MacLeod's, and as such, they should be deported back to where they came from. And since we're against separating children from their families at the border, it logically follows that since it's impossible to separate an idea from a person's brain (at least, with our current technology- but give us time), then the idea and the idea-haver will have to be deported en bloc.
Some may raise objections against deporting all non-Liberal-idea-havers, and it is true that there are good people on both sides. We're happy to allow those conservatives who swear a loyalty oath to stay, as well as those who will submit to face-to-face interviews. But those conservatives who try to vote while veiling their conservative ideology will be turned away every time!
You may ask: How do you go about identifying un-Canadian activities? Be on the lookout for:
-failing to laugh at CBC Comedy tweets
-admitting to not understanding the lyrics to a Tragically Hip song
-refusing a Mott's Clamato on the grounds that it is disgusting
-attendance at 2 or fewer butter tart festivals this summer
-saying Jordan Peterson might have a point
-and, failing to make the required 1990's nostalgia joke about the PC Party of Ontario cancelling the sex-ed curriculum
If YOU see conservatives engaged in un-Canadian activity, call our UnCanadian Cultural Practices Hotline at 1-800-VOTE-LIB. If you see something, say something. Operators are standing by! Be sure to have your credit card ready, because you might be on hold for a while.
Written by Josh Lieblein