Many far reaching questions have been asked during the extended freakout our proud nation recently had over Omar Khadr's $10.5 M payout.
To wit: What is the "rule of law" that everyone keeps talking about? Which government can we blame for the current state of affairs so we don't have to feel responsible? And, most crucially, are we a bunch of racist racists who are just being racistly racist because Khadr's first name is Omar?
These and many other important debates will go unresolved because having pointless screaming matches to distract us from the boredom of our existence is what we Canadians do.
Also, as fate would have it, I am (to my eternal shame) not a constitutional lawyer or journalist who spends all day on Twitter sneering at lesser people, so it is unlikely that anything I will be able to clarify matters.
However there is one question pertaining to the Khadr affair which I can answer, one that has gone unasked but has doubtless been wondered about. Specifically is this entire thing a massive troll on the Canadian public and conservatives in particular? Undoubtedly and unambiguously, the answer is yes.
Despite the magnitude of the troll, many trusting and naive Canadians are unaware that it is taking place. Much like Trump whipping the media into a frenzy with a wrestling meme, the Liberals have deliberately tossed a hand grenade into the conservative camp.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. First we must define: What is trolling?
You may think that trolling refers specifically to being rude, but it's actually about getting a reaction from the target.
Often trolling is conflated with racism, and many trolls are racist. (This is why most people don't accept that the Liberals could be trolling the Conservatives- because as we all know, Liberals cannot be racist.)
However, the racism as it relates to trolling is employed to get a reaction. Logically, then, the best way to avoid being trolled is to keep this fact in mind and to respond (not to ignore, because ignoring the troll will only make them try harder) with that fact in mind.
Now, how do we know that the Khadr settlement was a troll?
To answer this question, let us move from the general to the specific. The Liberals have spent enough time baiting conservatives that we may credibly classify everything they do even the stuff that looks like it's an unintentional blunder as an attempt to troll their enemies.
Trudeau forgetting Alberta in the Canada Day speech? Troll.
Trudeau gallivanting around the world showing off his socks? Troll.
Trudeau blaming the opposition for failing to get his agenda off the ground in the House? Troll.
Opinions vary as to whether these offences were deliberate, but in the world of trolling, intention matters very little. In all three of these cases, conservatives lost their ever loving minds. They were trolled, so whether the Liberals intended to troll them or not doesn't matter.
(Please don't misunderstand me I'm not letting the Conservatives off the hook. They shouldn't have lost their ever loving minds and allowed themselves to be trolled, but because nobody has called the Liberals out on their trolling, I made that the subject of today's rant.)
In the specific case of the Khadr payout, the Liberals knew full well what they doing.
Every time the Khadr case has come up previously, and every time the Liberals have spoken of Khadr as anything other than a murderous terrorist, the conservatives have lost their ever loving minds. The Liberals had no reason to suspect that this time would be any different.
The Liberals also chose to go with a REEEEEEALLY BIG NUMBER for the settlement, in the millions of dollars, because it is well established that conservatives like to freak out over large dollar amounts. (The number couldn't be in the billions, however, because that couldn't be dismissed as "a rounding error" when compared to all the other billions the government is currently blowing. And yes, the "rounding error" excuse is another troll.)
Announcing the settlement on the 4th of July, however, was relatively blatant. This was likely thrown in there so the stupid Americans would understand that they were being trolled as well. Being stupid Americans, of course, they completely failed to notice. (What nerve!)
You might be wondering: Why do they do it? Why do Liberals go to such lengths to troll conservatives? The answer is: Because they hate conservatives most of all.
As incomprehensible as this may be for conservatives, Liberals believe that, despite holding nearly absolute power in this country, they are still being frustrated by conservatives at every turn. Somehow, they believe this despite also believing that conservatives in the country can't organize a paper route, which would indicate that the Liberals are trolling themselves.
Anyway, real power would be the ability to pay out $10.5 million to Omar Khadr WITHOUT the backlash and resistance. I guess there is always something more to shoot for.
But there are other reasons beside megalomania for trolling conservatives. Politically, it doesn't suit the Liberals to appear as though they have nearly-absolute power. So, when conservatives lose their ever loving minds, and we start seeing polls showing some ridiculous majority of Canadians opposing the payout, the Liberals can now credibly present themselves as the underdogs.
Look at what we have to deal with! say the Liberals and their enablers. Look at how totally unaware of their unconscious racism these bumpkins are! A stain on our international reputation! Clearly this justifies more anti-racism legislation.
The final and most important reason Liberals go to such lengths to troll conservatives, however, is because they hate the moral authority that conservatives claim to have. They don't like being called "snowflakes" and being mocked for having too many inconvenient feelings when conservatives are just as easily triggered.
And on this point I must agree with the Liberals, having spent months on end dealing with holier-than-thou assertions from the Maxime Bernier crowd that their principles have immunized them from any snowflakey tendencies.
There is a large demand out there for media that shows conservatives up for being the thin-skinned hypocrites that they are. This is why, to cite one example, VICE prepares lists of how easily triggered the Canadian provinces are, and wouldn't you know it, the stereotypically conservative provinces are right at the top of the list! LOL!
Written by Josh Lieblein