Like Dr. Evil in his boardroom, Canada's party leaders are mashing buttons left and right, flinging undesirable candidates into the fire pit. Slurs on Twitter, offensive jokes on Facebook, and countless other social media slip-ups have seen no fewer than 11 candidates yanked from the ballot since this election began.

There are two conclusions one can draw from the spectacle.

The first is the standard hand-wringing you tend to read in the press. The wails of OMG-no-one-under-45-will-ever-be-elected-to-anything! The wailers aren't wrong. The rapid-fire pace of social media, which discourages the censorial instinct that traditionally prevents us from publicly sharing every dark or ugly thought that passes our mind, has proven to be a professional liability for many, particularly if the profession in question is the unrealistically squeaky-clean world of electoral politics.

There's a less zeitgeisty observation to be made, however: candidates for the Parliament of Canada, and thus members of the Canadian parliament themselves, aren't really that important or valuable. Maybe a small handful, the ones being groomed for the half-dozen useful cabinet spots, provide some value to their leaders, but beyond those elite few, the purpose of most MPs is simply to recite talking-points, vote obediently, and not do anything to actively hurt the party brand. These are extraordinarily easy tasks, so it makes sense that even the slightest screw up like, say having made a dopey YouTube video six years ago would constitute a fireable offense.

There's been a lot of blather in this election about how Canadians "elect a parliament not a prime minister" but this is disingenuous because Canada's parliament has never been a free-thinking, independent institution. On any given issue, the 300+ members of the House will only vote one of three ways: the way Stephen Harper wants, the way Justin Trudeau wants, or the way Thomas Mulcair wants.

The Canadian left remain the strongest proponents of the parliament-not-PM thesis because it allows them to justify their immaturity in being unable to answer the fundamental question that defines this election, and indeed, every Canadian election prior: who should be prime minister of this country?

Websites pushing strategic voting, groups of artists and musicians "united against Harper," and overbearingly leftist, yet strenuously non-partisan advertisments are evidence of this cowardice. Progressive activists claim "anyone" is better than the Conservative leader, yet remain unable to rally behind a single anyone capable of doing the job. It is the easiest thing in the world to declare yourself against something — much harder to propose a viable alternative. Yet unfortunately that's what voting demands.

There seems to be a deep, permanent indecisiveness on the part of progressives when it comes to considering the two men who want to lead a government in their name.

Thomas Mulcair is obviously a faker and an opportunist, a career politician with a history of changing his ideological stripes to suit the moment. His grating self-regard for his own brilliance and joy in humiliating others has become, in the words of David Akin, "bitchy."

Justin Trudeau, meanwhile, is undeniably unserious, unthoughtful and unqualified.

Both men are embarrassing and weak candidates, and their interchangeable platforms offer no tie-breaker. Progressive thought leaders in the media and elsewhere are too afraid of suffering the social consequence of firmly declaring that either guy is suited to run the country, so when the matter comes up they quickly change the topic to how we're supposed to focus on electing MPs — and by the way did I mention how much I hate Harper?

A contrasting trait of conservative voters and activists is their loyalty. Though the media exaggerates the voices of right-wing dissidents, by and large the Tory base has been in lockstep behind Stephen Harper — a man, as Joe Clark once said of himself, who may not be the best, but is surely the best available.

In most regions of the country only one left-wing party is competitive with the Tories. In Atlantic Canada and Ontario it's the Liberals; in Quebec and BC it's the NDP. Harper's disapproval rating remains over 60%, but once again an opposition split may well pave the way for a Conservative victory, perhaps even a majority.

Should that happen, as the polls increasingly suggest it will, the left will have no one to blame but themselves, and their spoiled insistence on having two nearly-identical parties instead of rallying behind a Harper of their own.

 

Written by J.J McCullough